Hello everyone!

I'm in need of prayer for endurance, forgiveness, hope and trust in the Lord and finding a local fellowship where I can grow with other believers.

For context, right now, I find myself feeling down, even depressed. I find myself daily feeling this way and it takes a lot of talking to the Lord to keep from staying in this mindset all day. Right now, it feels like so many things are happening. I just don't have a group of believers around me that I truly trust and can feel safe with to experience the fellowship mentioned in the scriptures and there are some family things going on that I'm unable to share at the moment.

I am currently going to a church who does teach all of scripture, but I feel so...disconnected. I had started going off and on, but then was able to start going consistently earlier this year. I had already been at an unhealthy church and was anxious to start going to church again. What causes me to feel disconnected is the lack of fellowship throughout the week, the sermons as of late always mention something political (and even what Christians should do politically) and I feel like I'm not seeing a clear plan of discipleship for the believer (as in, older believers taking younger believers under their wing kinda thing) and outreach to the unbeliever like i've seen at other churches. ***Before I continue, it is truly not my intention to belittle or gossip about these believers, but to mention the things that are causing me to personally disconnect and making me feel like leaving eventually.

For example, I do have some of the numbers of the believers there, but only one person reaches out to me time to time. Like, if I don't go to church for some time (by sickness or something else), they won't reach out and check in on me. It's gotten to the point where I 100% know they won't check on me. For example, something happened where I wasn't able to attend for a while and not one person checked in on me. The only reason someone knew what was happening was because I messaged them to see how they were. When I go back (if i hadn't been there for a couple Sundays), I hear something close to, "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a while". It actually makes me feel really bad when I hear that.

When I message them, that's when we end up talking in the week. I admit, I do not message them often though. If I'm at church, I message to see if they're there. When I'm at the church, we talk all the time. I even tell them what's happening in my life, with reason, but nothing changes it seems. Maybe my expectations are just too high? Maybe they're busy in the week and I'm just not seeing their side of things? Maybe there's too many people at the service and I'm just not memorable when we talk? Maybe I need to meet other people at the church? Some of the believers are older and some are near my age. Honestly, I feel unknown and forgotten in life at the moment. That is my honest feeling. I will say, I do have a friend that consistently checks in with me. We check on each other and update each other on life. We just don't live close enough to meet physically.

I see that many post prayer requests here and many respond to them, so I'm just a believer asking for prayer because times are tough and I don't want to walk in unbelief. I want to grow in Christ, but it feels that I'm fueling unbelief and hopelessness more than anything else. I'm reaching out to the body of Christ because I know doing life without you is not an option and I'm afraid that I am starting to lean more to "I don't want to go to church anymore".

Thank you in advance for reading this and if you have wise advice on what I should do in regards to the fellowship i am at, or fellowship in general, please comment below. Thank you again!